Adults Behaving Badly

Despise (v) - to regard with contempt, distaste, disgust, or disdain; scorn; loathe.

 

Loathe (v) - to feel disgust or intense aversion for; abhor: 

Lying (n) - the telling of lies, or false statements; untruthfulness: Synonyms: falsehood, falsity, mendacity, prevarication. Antonyms: truth, veracity.  (a)  telling or containing  lies; deliberately untruthful; deceitful; false: a lying report. Synonyms: deceptive, misleading, mendacious, fallacious; sham, counterfeit. Antonyms: true, candid, actual, correct, accurate, trustworthy. 

I despise lying. 

The absolutely only time I permit/tolerate ‘lying’ is for a wonderful, sweet surprise.  For instance, my best friend’s husband threw her a surprise party.  When she called to ask me what I was doing (I was sitting in wait for her at the party house), I lied and told her I was chilling at home.  I did this with no guilt because I knew in about 10 minutes she would know where I was and would not be mad for my deception.  She would know it was in an effort to do something fun and wonderful - to celebrate her.  My lie did not hurt anyone and was not told in malice.  I hope you understand my point on this issue.  If not, PLEASE ask me.  (This applies for Santa, The Easter bunny and the tooth fairy in my home.  They all brought good things and my kids benefited greatly from this childhood pastime.  Sarcasm is also included – it is for laughs and fun.)

Any other time is inexcusable in my book, especially with grown adults.  I expect it from kids and teenagers; they are still growing and learning.  But by the time you are in your 20’s, you know better.  And know this about me – I almost always can tell when you are lying to me or someone else.  There are times I do not – usually because I do not know the person or situation.  But if you are an active or even a casual by-stander in my daily life, I am going to know.  Maybe not right away, maybe not the next day, but I will know.   When I find out, I won’t be happy.  Neither would you, right?  Let me take this moment right now to ask – if you are not upset when some lies in any malicious manner, please speak up now.  I want to talk to you.  Truly – I do.

I got a phone call from someone a few weeks ago and I knew what he was saying was a lie.  I confirmed a few days later that it was; that person lost their job over their deception. 

I got an e-mail from someone and part of what was written in it was not accurate.   The consequences of this person’s actions will affect their child.  Why?  What are you trying to do?  Do you think I am dumb?  Guess what, I am not.  I have my moments in life where I might forget something or not understand, but I know a lie when I hear it or read it. 

I can name many incidents where a fellow believer has lied to me or my child, or believed a rumor and passed it on as fact, spread gossip, took facts out of context or tried to make something bigger/smaller than it actually was.  This last one is a very popular form of deception among women for some reason.  Again, why?  Are you feeling insecure and this makes you feel important?  Do you think that this makes you look better to others?  News flash – it doesn’t!  Others see right through it.  I am not the only person walking around on the planet with the super power of lie detection - comes with parenthood.  

My heart really hurts for those who do not believe, are a new Christian or a young Christian starting on their journey of faith.  When they witness the actions and words of adults and those actions do not match up to scripture, it sends a message.  And they get it loud and clear.  My daughter has received this message on many occasions over the last few years.  She calls it ‘adults behaving badly’.  She is absolutely right. I am proud that she recognizes what it is; I am sad that she has to witness it at all.

What about secrets and privacy?  Keep it private.  You do not have to share someone’s secrets or private information in order to not lie.  Say truthfully, “I am not able to discuss this matter” or “That is not for me to talk about” and then ask them about the family dog.  Being discrete is not lying.  Check the definitions above.  There is a difference.  Being tactful is not lying either, it is the telling of truth layered with love and grace.  

Tact (n): 1. a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations. 2. a keen sense of what is appropriate, tasteful, or aesthetically pleasing; taste; discrimination.

 

How do you deal with someone who has lied to you?  Do you practice the art of being tactful?  And yes, it is something that has to be practiced.  Lying seems to come way to easy.  (Reference Genesis and a lady named Eve.)